i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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