theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
