never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i've created a new STD.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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