no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
