ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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