i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
