with your own penis?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
