I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
