My nipple is on Facebook.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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