I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
