around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
