so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
