So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
