I just pynch a tree in the face
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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