oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
