Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize