dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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