so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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