i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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