I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
