the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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