Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
