people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
