finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
