john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
