Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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