Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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