We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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