You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize