I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
True strength comes from lack of pants
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
