all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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