he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
