I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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