i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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