"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
