Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
People in love make me want to vomit
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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