Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
