:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
home. puking in laundry basket.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
