You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
