Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
