I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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