remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
