i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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