please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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