TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
