he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
