I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize