once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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