If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
