My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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