You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
