If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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