I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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