You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
