You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
