dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
