It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
