I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize