I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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