now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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