Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
