I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
