I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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