I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
