Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
