GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
