she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
