It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
