Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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