i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
