we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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