Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
