You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
