So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
