No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
