All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
