how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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