He kissed a someone with a penis
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
