you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
