Don't make out with my wife yet
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
