the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We need to rekindle our bromance
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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