your thong is hanging out like whoa
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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