And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
