I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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