Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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