also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
