its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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