Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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