i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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