I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
