he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
