I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
