her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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