hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize