Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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