He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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