oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
