The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
if only i could text you this smell
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
